Special Edition: The chewing of the universe has commenced.

Tolly’s Chewing Rules

1. If it can be chewed on, it will be chewed on.
2. Unless it is specifically designed to be chewed on, in which case, it shall be ignored.
3. If it cannot be chewed on, it is useless/maddening/too far away (and thus useless and maddening). Check the alignment of Mars and Jupiter to see if Outraged Protocol must ensue.
4. Favorite chew things must be provided at all times: mother’s chin; father’s knuckle; the edge of the clip-on high chair; hair; cat hair; blanket; sweater; glasses; glasses; glasses; floor.
5. I am new here. I believe in myself. It is possible to chew on the floor. I just have to try HARDER.

Parent Chewing Thoughts

1. O God, What, Why?? Here, teething ring, teething blankie, teething giraffe, teething foot on the teething giraffe, teething popsicle, teething lambourghini!
2. Floor, again, then?
3. Come here, here’s nice daddy’s finger…
4. Honey, I feel the output of saliva trumps his liquid intake. I worry.
5. I just saw him lick the cat.
6. And he's back to the floor. 
7. I’m sure it builds the immune system.