1. First of all, Herr Heribert Bauer, father of the "Federknopf-Verschluss”, I summon thee! For thou art the inventor of the snaps that are the things of nightmares. I understand that you patented them for men’s trousers and yes, you did not have a say when someone decided to stick 459 of them on a footed sleeper for a baby, and yes, you have plausible deniability because you were possibly already dead, but really. I need you to know that you are in my nightmares, with snaps that never line up, and a child that screams bloody murder, and though I googled for an hour I have not been able to find who was the first to put snaps on footed sleepers, so I’m going to place the blame on you.
1. Write it down, Masha. Time has become fluid and hop-scotch; your memory is a rewriteable CD, and if you don’t write down the funny, the amazing, the unforseen things they will be shelved into the attic, to be accidentally retrieved; or never.
2. Like new words that emerge daily, since a new human deserves a new language: Tolly is абрикосмос, Tolly is потягусеница, Tolly is plagued by the twin brothers Многопукакак and Многокакапук.
3. Because, Masha, your brain is a sieve made of scrambled eggs and dandelion seeds, and it can seamlessly erase events, details, the thought you had just a minute ago. And Leo’s brain is the same. It’s a gift to make you forget how many diaper blowouts happened in the past twelve hours.